Your dad touched me again.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
