Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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