I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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