Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
