i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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