somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I CAN MOONWALK!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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