Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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