Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
