Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
