Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize