I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
