feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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