worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
