he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
