There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
