woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
