Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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