She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
