So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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