So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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