I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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