Is it because I queefed?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
