Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
