I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you inspire me to be a worse person
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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