Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
