you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
