just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
