I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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