This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
