god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
