he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
