6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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