dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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