these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
