my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
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Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
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Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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