Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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