Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
