Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
...so i touched it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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