Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
