dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
