You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
