Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
