the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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