I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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