I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
