My friends, they love my intelligence
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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