It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
