Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize