I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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