Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
