I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I wish there were birth control emojis
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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