just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
