Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
