He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
