I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
