Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
