Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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