Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So much rum. So many feels.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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