I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
