I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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